Chapter 1: The Flight

Two vodkas, two blue lagoons, a bottle of fizzy wine a can of fosters and something orange in colour, but definitely not fanta. 30 minutes later I ordered the same again, only with fanta. Always order in multiples on planes… you never know when a stewardess will turn their back on you… treat flights, like war/love and business. By the way all of these drinks and more are readily available in Mexico…and that is where I was heading.. We probably would have got few more rounds in if my co-pilot had not tried his luck with the bar-tender “Oh she’s alreet” he said in a cocktail of Geordie and Greek dialect. “ I think I’ll call her over”…. he continued. “bing” “You don’t have to say bing, you just press the button” I said. “bing? Or bring?” “Both” “I’m gonna ask her out” “On a plane?” I said. “I’m gonna …I’m gonna bing” “How can I help?” (She had a disapproving look on her face… and everywhere else). “Can I ask you a personal question? …. The disapproving look, was increased by some 400% “How much do you weigh?” Tears welled up inside and laughter could not escape me quick enough… the winner of the worlds worst chat up line was sat next to me and was not gonna leave me for the next two weeks as we explored Mexico armed with a copy of the Mexican rough guide (1988). ‘Be prepared’ the SAS say, or was the boy scouts? I woke up 7-8 hours later, at the other end of the plane, with a stewardess’s hat up my shirt. The Greek woke up 10 mins later with a hangover up his head and out of the window we could see Cuba.

Chapter 2

By Tim Halliday

© Tim Halliday All Rights Reserved (2005)